Nokia Snake Is Better Than GTA Online

People say that video games get better every year. Larger worlds, better graphics, epic gameplay. I want to challenge this assertion but showing that Nokia Snake, first released in 1997 with the Nokia 6110, is objectively superior to GTA Online. Nokia snake, made by little guy whose name I had to google, versus big boi RockstarGames worth a trillion dollars.

First off, if GTA Online is so good, why is there no GTA Online 2 which fans continually ask for? There is a snake 2. Hell there is a snake 3 and a snake Xenzia which I assume is a number that comes after 3. The dude who made snake's commitment to throwing away the foundations of his first release to build something from the ground up that is bigger and better than the original is something we all know Rockstar should have done with GTA Online 10 years ago.

Second, snake has snakes but GTA Online doesn't. Snake is up front about how many snakes are in it, it is in the title, there is just one. It is in the name, it is in the game. Snake doesn't lie to you, unlike Rockstargames. GTA Online claims to perfectly represent the real life city of Los Santos, but there is just one problem, Los Santos has snakes but GTA Online does not. Now, as a snake myself, a viper if you will, not only am I personally offended that Rockstar would not consider me worth including in their game, we all know that snakes being in a game just make it better. Look at Metal Gear? Good game, has a snake, case closed.

Thirdly, Snake is reliable, GTA Online isn't. You wanna play snake underwater? Easy. You want to play snake after the world becomes a hellish landscape due to the water wars, where all the nations deployed their nucular arsenal in a vain hope of taking control of the dwindling supply of the hot new crypto currency WaterCoin? Bam, snake has gotchu fam.

On the otherhand, put your system in water, do it right now, if you could still hear me I'd be able to tell you that that system isn't going to run GTA Online anymore. If it slightly rains outside the Rockstar offices, no GTA Online. The gerbil that powers the Rockstar servers eats a bit too much cheese and gets tired, bam, no GTA Online. This little snaki boi on your screen doesn't care who you are, where you come from, he doesn't ask you to use your parents credit cards to buy shark cards in order to feed the never ending hunger of TakeTwo executives. No, this little snakey boi just eats food and unconditionally loves you.

Fifthly, Snake is just a better playing experience. 99% of GTA Online is loading screens. Do you see any loading screens for snake? No. There is just a drunk boi who just had his walls painted and needs help staying away from them while also getting food. We have all been there he is just so relatable. But how can anyone possible relate to GTA Online? In GTA Online you are just a cog in the machine. You doing the same boring repetitive tasks over and over, same thing every day, barely any change. What do you get for it? A tiny paycheck that with every passing day seems to buy less than what it used to. You do this why the rich bypass the grind and get to do whatever they want. See, entirely unrelatable.

That just leaves me 3rd and final point, flying bikes, one of Rockstar's worst blunders. Obviously the oppressor MK 2 works well in snake for the Nokia 6110 because the snake is a natural predator of the flying motorbike but they simply do not work at all in GTA Online. They added a flying bike into a game without its main natural predator and it ruined the entire ecosystem. Worse, this once again shows that Rockstar is out of ideas and needs to steal from older better titles. This is the reason GTA 6 has still not come out, they have run out of stuff to steal. I for one am sick of waiting for GTA 6, so I will be rebranding away from GTA into snake games. I will therefore change my name from DarkAutoAU to DarkViperAU to commemorate this change. I hope this is not too confusing for you and I hope you understand why this had to be done.

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